It's not easy. And frankly, I've been upset with myself for planning and not owning up to my plans. Sure, I could say a lot about that- tired, becoming overwhelmed, working towards higher goals...the list continues. Saturday went completely south when it came to school work and preparing for the upcoming week. I sat, searched for youtube videos to binge-watch and listened to music. You know that feeling you get when you know you're suppose to be doing something productive, yet you sit and waste the minutes of your life that you know you can't get back? That was me Saturday. I was disgusted and pretty livid with myself. I gave myself quite the lecture that night (I could be pretty hard on myself), and I can say, so far so good. Taking initiative is what's going to help move me forward. So, I've been owning up to what I record in my planner and in effect, getting things done. Patting myself on the back.
Sunday though, I found myself oddly distracted by the weirdest thing...I thought it was weird anyway. It was.. my nails. Cuticles on point, evened length, not too lengthy yet not too short. Side-note, I like to polish my nails every week- it's therapeutic for me to paint my nails myself, admiring my demonstrated creativity and preciseness. But Sunday, I couldn't concentrate on my reading because of this deep-lost-for-words-admiration of my nails. I mean, it's happened before, but after about thirty-minutes, I'd get over it. You guys...it's been a good two-point-five days and I was still in awe. I couldn't do it. I told myself, "okay...this...this is too much". Left the library, stepped into my flat and wiped off the the precious color petal pushers (essie!), and cut my nails short, quickly reminding me of my three months in Catholic school. Distraction gone. Work...almost done.
It was just odd to be that infatuated with my creativity, to the point where I was not able to move forward and get work done. One thing about me- if it hinders me from moving forward, even the slightest bit, I toss it. Granted, I can work around some distractions and try to have it work in my favor, but for the most part, I hit the delete button on hindrance. So yeah, it felt good getting rid of the distraction. Petal Pushers, and the rest of the collection, still stand quietly on my shelf and isn't going anywhere. But let me just say...my nails did look good. Not a narcissist...just giving credit where credit is due.